Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
