Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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