You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
