There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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