Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude i'm inner monologue high
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
