smell my finger.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
