Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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