I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
