Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
