she looked like the bat from fern gully.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
