Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
