Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
