The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am available for nakedness
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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