u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When are your genitals available?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
