Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
