Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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