when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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