Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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