what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
