The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just cropdusted the office
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
