so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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