Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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