...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
