totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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