drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize