I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
