i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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