hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
