i just google imaged poop.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
