There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize