Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
