Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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