I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
