I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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