Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
