My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
