JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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