ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
