My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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