so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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