Redeem this text for a blowjob
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
