They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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