Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
