tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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