Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
