please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
