her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
