i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
