youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
