we have officially lost it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
