You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
