I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize