Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think a kid would responsible me up
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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