I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
