Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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