we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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