I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
