I'm going to jail i love you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
