I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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