There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
