dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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