Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have fence marks all over my body
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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