I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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